Ariel Nickie Davies, PsyD, Beck Institute Adjunct Faculty
Whether in clinical practice or on social media, you may have heard black women express, “I’m tired” or “It’s our time to rest.” Although this may seem like a natural complaint for anyone, it represents a notable shift within the Black community and the psychology of many Black women. The Strong Black Woman (SBW) Schema or Superwoman Schema describes strength developed out of survival and suggests a capability to manage high stress that comes with being a Black woman. As Woods-Giscombé (2010) described, being faced with racism and sexism creates a double dose of discrimination and stress. To maintain their strength, many Black women restrict their expressions of emotions to avoid being perceived as weak. This is reinforced by communication through generations and peers with statements such as “Never let them see you cry.” The SBW schema is rooted in Black women historically holding caretaking roles, whether by force or by choice: involuntarily throughout slavery, for income as one of the few jobs many were allowed to work, and personally within their immediate and extended family. This offers a mixed bag of positive and negative consequences.
The belief that one can handle anything that is forced upon them may provide a sense of pride and resilience that serves as a protective factor. On the other hand, the pattern of restricting one’s emotions and holding heavy caretaking roles can result in a higher likelihood of developing psychological and mental health problems (Watson-Singleton, 2020; Woods-Giscombé, 2010) including depression, anxiety, and loneliness (Liao et al., 2020). Woods-Giscombé also found that the SBW Schema was correlated with chronic illness and premature mortality (e.g., impaired cardiovascular, metabolic, immune, and neuroendocrine functioning).
In recent years, many Black spaces became more vocal about the mental and physical load associated with the SBW Schema and began to emphasize the importance of wellness and self-care within the community. Black women in America collectively agreed to National Day of Rest for Black Women on December 2, 2024, following distress in the community as a result of the current political climate. This loud but silent act was a product of tiredness and frustration after years of caring, advocating, and fighting for Black women and other groups, and feeling unsupported in turn. Over the past two months I’ve been observing many of my clients exploring the impact of the recent emphasis on rest on the Strong Black Woman Schema. Has rest changed the conceptualization of what was once the Black woman’s strength?
Let’s talk about my client Bree, a 43-year-old never married Black American woman. When she presented to therapy she was the power of attorney and caretaker for her very ill father who needed 24/7 attention, requiring her to hire a daytime nurse. Her mother had died a few years prior and she recalled how much time she dedicated to her last year of life. She reported feeling anxious and struggled with reporting a depressed mood despite her ratings. On various occasions she stated, “I can’t be overwhelmed but I can say I’m overtaxed.” Through guided discovery we uncovered that she feared being overwhelmed as it would mean “I can’t manage” and that she was therefore incapable. As her father began to “transition” (her word for death), she held the assumption that if she expressed emotions she would break and be useless to others.
She worked as a childcare provider and reported stress at work resulting from her boss’s increasing expectations despite their knowledge of her father’s health status. She often ate only one meal—typically fast food—and received three or four hours of sleep a night because of preparations for work and her father’s medication schedule. After the 2024 election, Bree came into session and cried in disbelief, expressing confusion and questioning the potential ramifications.
To her, the results felt like betrayal of the hope that she had for her country. She expressed hopelessness and tiredness. I validated her emotional response and recognized that it would be important to ask her what she thought would be most beneficial to focus on during our session, giving her full agency in the treatment process. Bree and I decided to take a behavioral approach by helping her to shift her activities to care for herself, while normalizing a non-judgmental stance to her experience. Despite the difficulty, Bree increased her water intake from almost zero to 32 oz. a day, became more intentional about her steps at work, allowed herself to sleep at least six hours at night, and began storing easy-to-eat foods at work to increase her intake of healthy meals. She once allowed herself to say that she was overwhelmed, with some discomfort.
Rest for your Black woman client may look like a trip to the spa, a day off from work, or having brunch. Or it may look like having two meals a day, not answering calls for help, not advocating for others, and not fighting or caring for everyone most of the time. It is my belief that over time, these behaviors (skills intervention) will result in shifts in cognitions that facilitate increasing self-compassion and result in the development of more adaptive ways of thinking about her role in society. Over time, your Black woman client may naturally begin to care for herself, caring for others only when she chooses, breaking down maladaptive parts of the schema that have passed down through generations.
References:
Liao, K. Y.-H., Wei, M., & Yin, M. (2020). The Misunderstood Schema of the Strong Black Woman: Exploring Its Mental Health Consequences and Coping Responses Among African American Women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 44(1), 84-104. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684319883198
Watson-Singleton, N. N. (2017). Strong Black Woman schema and psychological distress: The mediating role of perceived emotional support. Journal of Black Psychology, 43(8), 778–788. https://doi.org/10.1177/0095798417732414
Woods-Giscombé, CL. (2010). Superwoman Schema: African American Women’s Views on Stress, Strength, and Health. Qualitative Health Research 20(5):668-83.