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August 6, 2007
Judith S. Beck writes in: Some therapists are quite concerned about their patients becoming angry at them. Yet when therapists respond sensitively, they can help patients learn important lessons. The first thing I do when a patient becomes angry is to elicit their automatic thoughts and positively reinforce them, in a genuine way. "I'm so glad you told me that." And I am glad. If there's a problem, I want to know about it, so I can fix it. Next, I conceptualize the problem in order to decide what to do. If I think the patient is correct, I'll apologize - and in so doing, become a good role model. For example, a patient might be annoyed because he felt I was interrupting him too much. If he had that reaction, he's right. I overestimated his tolerance for interruptions, so I can - again genuinely - say, "You know, I think you're right. I did interrupt you too much. I'm sorry." If I don't think I made a mistake, I can still genuinely say, "I'm sorry you're feeling distressed," because I truly am sorry if something I've said or done (or not said or done) made the patient feel worse. Then I try to figure out how to solve the problem, which might involve helping the patient evaluate his negative ideas about me or suggesting we change what we're doing in the session. Demonstrating to patients that interpersonal problems can be solved is sometimes one of the greatest benefits of therapy.